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New to Large? Here's a highlights reel to illustrate what you can expect from everyone's favourite topical radio show:
Episode 179 |
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Aaron and Mike get their teeth into the spectacular failure of the European Super League, the fallout, recriminations and what form this abomination may take next. Should we adopt the German 50+1 fan ownership model to stem this tide of thoughtless greed or is that too naive? All this and more on the show that always speaks for the common man and woman!
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It's hard to know where to start with this one. Johnson is beyond parody with his current levels of dishonest blunders and flagrant corruption and once more you would summise he sees himself as Scarface when he's actually Chief Wiggum, now being attacked by his erstwhile consigliere, the right dishonourable Mister Magoo of Barnard Castle. Amid these capers, there's time for some serious reflection on the West's vaccine protectionism that's allowing a blockbusting toll of cases and deaths in South East Asia, which of course contains most of the humans currently living on the planet.
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While lockdown has eased and it's looking brighty in Blighty, it's code red in India, though once again there seems to be a delay in closing travel to the area that seems a lot like us asking for trouble, again.
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So the cat is out of the bag - in the midst of a global pandemic, the owners of the six richest clubs in England have announced that they have signed agreements to join a European Super League. There is so much to unpack on this lunacy that Mike and Aaron have scrapped the 20 minute time limit and gone for a deep dive without scuba gear. Strap yourself in for some passionate polemic.
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It was inevitable - the VAR controversies have become too inexplicable to ignore any more, so Mike and Aaron are summoned to check the Zoom monitor and deliver their verdicts, with particular focus on the phantom 'fouls' apparently meted out to Son Heung-Min (RIP) and Ederson. Also, just how did James Tarkowski get away with attempting to reverse roundhouse Sean Longstaff's head off his shoulders?
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The promised land of social contact featuring al fresco libations is here! We'll hear more on these developments from Mike's new barnet, as well as reflecting on the former PM pig botherer's attempts to get his snout back in the taxpayers' trough, and wonder why the Met didn't feel the need to steam in and batter the attendees at a Prince Philips vigil who were clearly contravening Covid guidelines. Was it because Priti encourages virus transmission as long as its during due deference to the crown, or were the Met not sufficiently interested as one of their number has not been suspected to have nobbled Phil the Greek? Listen on to find out!
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Harry Kane is right up there with possibly only Erling Haaland and Robert Lewandowski in terms of prolific out-and-out centre forwards in world football right now, and sits right between them in age terms. He's heading for Jimmy Greaves' Spurs goals record and catching up Alan Shearer in the Premier League records fast, as well as being a Tottenham icon. But would he rather look back on a cabinet of elite winners' medals, rather than adulation and a cabinet of individual awards? Mike and Aaron shout the odds on whether Kane would dare to do the unthinkable...
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Things were starting to look up. Easter was nice, Spring is steadily emerging and the roadmap was actually on schedule! Then, inevitably, something contentious was announced. What do we think of the concept of 'Vaccine Passports', eh?
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As European qualifiers for the World Cup have begun, Mike and Aaron decided to review each performance level, and what their next couple of years seem to look like. Not particularly great if you're Irish, it has to be said.
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Spring is in the air, as is Covid, and we're seeing in our second year under a lockdown cloud, but wait, what's this? Lockdown is easing again! So we're all tentatively easing back into social awkwardness, hoping that the irresponsible twats among us don't ruin the vibes...and R rate.
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The title kind of gives this away. Mike (Bassett) and Aaron try and fail to come to a consensus with a best eleven of England internationals since 2000. No prizes for guessing the easiest choice for both lack of competition and nominative filth was the goalkeeper.
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It's been a whole year since shit got real, where has the time gone? We've had a minute's silence in respect of the 127k plus people who have lost their lives to this virus, but how did we get here? And what's the path back to relative normality looking like? Tune in to hear Mike and Aaron's characteristically frank takes.
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That athletic freak of nature known as Erling Haaland is making mincemeat of Champions League defences and a mockery of the old adages about young players needing some acclimatising to elite level men's football. But will he surpass Messi and Ronaldo as the very best in the next generation? Mike and Aaron tackle this subject at knee height.
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Another teeth-grinder of a week has unfolded, and Mike and Aaron are almost through the enamel...of the toilet bowl.
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The Moyesiah looked burned out when he failed at his big shot at Old Trafford, got Sunderland relegated and scraped survival with West Ham. He was yesterday's man...or so we thought. Now look at him, threatening the Champions' League places with a fine looking Irons side and the best win percentage since the great Billy Bonds! But is this a temporary bounce, or has Moyes reinvented himself for a new long term Premier League adventure?
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It's a very simple concept that an alarmingly large minority of puffins still can't seem to get their heads around...why bother wearing a face mask if you're not going to wear it properly? You're a grown adult...time to start acting like it, you sad-sacks.
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There's a funny pattern that has emerged in the last decade and a half with England. First Paul Robinson, then Joe Hart and now potentially Jordan Pickford (you could also add the sporadic understudies Scott Carson and Rob Green), have ascended to undisputed number one England goalkeeper, only to either make a rick (or two, or many if you're David James) or suffer a sustained period of poor form that not only deprives them of the England jersey, but sends their entire elite career into an early spiral of decline. Robinson rapidly tailed off well before his expected peak to end up standing in now and again at Burnley, while we all know the story with Joe Hart. Is Pickford destined to become the reserve Burnley goalkeeper in the next couple of years, or can he break the curse? Listen on for Aaron and Mike's baseless speculations!
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So Hancock's been handing out contracts to his buddies as if he can only get people to like him by bribing them....wait, yeah, nothing to see here. Interesting and entirely predictable to see the lack of coverage of a prominent cabinet minister being found to have broken the law in the press almost entirely owned by extraordinarily rich sociopaths, and it looks like the BBC neutering into Tory Pravda is complete, while the Labour party neutering into pusillanimous eunuchs is well on its way. Thanks a lot Keith. Meanwhile BJ looks like he has drawn us a 'roadmap' he scribbled on the back of that flyer he found at the local brothel. The absolute state of us.
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Goalscorers are crucial but less hard to find, and there are a glut of excellent goalkeepers in the Premier League right now, so is centre-back the most important position in a title winning team? After all, a case could be made for Kompany's retirement and Laporte's long-term absence costing Manchester City the title last season, and this season they seem to be running away with it despite missing their best midfielder De Bruyne and their best striker Aguero for large parts of this campaign, while Liverpool's wheels have come off chiefly because all 3 of their centre-backs are out at the same time. Manchester United's domination of the Premier league post-treble season abruptly ended when Fergie sold Jaap Stam despite having the prolific Ruud Van Nistelrooy backed up by Ole Gunnar Solskjaer...need I say more?
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Some rather entitled types seem to be at the departure gates of an alternate reality. We are still root deep in a pandemic, and they are apparently demanding to know when they can book their jaunts abroad this summer! Lockdown Large is here to remind them that they're not special, and they can f**king well stay put this year and suffer with the rest of us!
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We all know he'd be hoovering up silverware with Milan and Real Madrid if his name was Allardici, but who is the man behind the myth, and has he bitten off more than he can chomp into oblivion this time? Will Fireman Sam pull off his greatest rescue mission, or is he destined to resign in disgrace alongside his soul brother Pulis? Listen on to hear Aaron and Mike try in vain to sniff out their second balls in the latest thrilling episode of EXTRA TIME!
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Looks like the South African variant has potentially scuppered our premature optimism for a smooth track to herd immunity. The party of 'strong borders' seems strangely reticent to actually close the borders, meaning more variants standing more chances of getting into the country. Speaking of our country, there are worrying rumbles of discontent from Northern Ireland because of the customs chaos and the border in the Irish Sea that Boris Johnson still denies the existence of. Another vintage week in lockdown then!
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The Frank Lampard homecoming definitively turned sour, but why was it? And had he earned the homecoming in the first place? What about Gareth Bale? Did he return to genuinely make a difference for Spurs, has Mourinho mismanaged him, or is he now sulking because North London's finest golf clubs are closed because of Covid? Aaron and Mike give themselves 20 minutes to get to the bottom of both of these warmly welcomed prodigal sons' cautionary tales.
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The topics for discussion this episode were overshadowed not long after recording by the news of Captain Sir Tom Moore's death, shortly after contracting Covid. It's hard not to see this as the symbolic death knell of optimism, which the Captain's antics inspired in all of us during the first lockdown, but we press on regardless, and try to emulate his indomitable spirit of triumph through adversity. Rest in Peace, big man.
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We've had a nice icing this week, which was lovely, because almost everything else is going horribly wrong. Mike and Aaron grow in the snow as they rage about the world-beating Covid death rate per capita and just how far we are from the end of this disasterpiece.
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The picture's pretty bleak right now, but they do say that the night is darkest just before the dawn...right? At least Trumpty Dumpty's gone, right? Right???
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Only one place to start the chaos in this week's show: with the Yankee Doodle dipshits who put the 'riot' in 'patriot' on Capitol Hill! Comedy idiocy aside, five people were killed, some Democratic representatives have subsequently contracted Covid from being crammed into a small room to shelter with idiotic maskless Republicans while the mayhem unfolded, and some of the t-shirts and flags on display suggests that fascism is now a mainstream sentiment in some American heartlands. This isn't going to go away soon, even if America does remove their own Mad King George with haste. Hear what our own loony goons think about it. Correction: Apparently that flag shagging dude armed to the teeth didn't actually taser himself in the balls repeatedly (dammit), but in the spirit of the crowd who ran amuck, we are still going to say that's what happened, because if we believe it strongly enough, it's definitely true.
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Happy, um, healthy, um...survivable New Year! The clown car cavalcade is back from the Christmas break and ready to have you rolling in the hospital aisles once more! But enough about the government: Mike and Aaron are ready and willing to regurgitate the kind of puerile humour not fit for a pervert's Christmas cracker, in the hope that laughter will ease the pain and stifle the urge to crack each other's heads open and feast on the tasty goo inside...for another week.
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What is there left to be said about the bin fire of liquid shit that was 2020? Almost everyone had it bad, but let's be fair, not everyone lived in the UK, where the only aspect of pandemic management the government excelled at was rapidly shovelling taxpayers' money to their equally incompetent mates. The UK also decided to impose economic sanctions and bureaucracy on itself by the end of the year, so any recovery will be choked off and we can all look forward to a steady and permanent decline in living standards from here on in, probably whilst in extended lockdown to prevent the NHS collapsing entirely. Beat that, world!
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Sometimes even hyperbole doesn't go far enough. If you had said at the dawn of the 2010s that by the opposite end of the decade we would be facing a raging pandemic under a government unable to protect its own citizens or economy but still adamant it would leave the world's largest trading bloc in the midst of a blockade on goods in or out of the kingdom at Christmas, well...you'd probably have been sectioned. But here we are. Christmas is cancelled after being promised it wouldn't be by the (world beating) king of overpromising and underdelivering. Food and medicine shortages also beckon very soon, but Mike and Aaron are here to add some measure of festive cheer to this disaster, like a fresh orange slice on a piss cocktail. Merry f**king Christmas!
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You wanted it you got it, you filthy animals. Tired of acerbic and increasingly nihilistic social commentaries, our reluctant heroes pontificate on perhaps the most important of the least important universal questions - is Die Hard a Christmas movie or not? Expect verbal scuffles and bullet-riddled debates and Mike crashing through your window holding his fire hose.
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Just when we thought it was safe to dream of the vanquishment of our plague, there's a...new strain. Several actually, but Matt Hancock says there's nothing for us to worry about. So you know things are about to take a massive turn for the worse. Luckily Mike's here to be the proverbial dancing clown for us all.
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So the first immunisation has been injected...only another 68 odd million to go! Some seem to think the virus won't be an issue after Christmas...they may want to understand just how long it takes to vaccinate 68 million people, as well as the self-inflicted shortages and gridlocked roads anywhere near Kent, coming to a country near us this January. Aaron and Mike lay out a brief narrative for what's to come.
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Strap on those flares and disco wigs, 'cos we're heading back to the 1970s! Economically rather than culturally, sadly, and with climate change to look forward to...in the midst of the worst global pandemic in a century. No wonder we Doomers and Zoomers are pissed off, for this is the winter of our discontent. The Boomers are not best pleased either with the new tier system in England that replaces the effective lockdown we've just emerged from. Will we ever be happy again? A dose of Large will always bring a smile to one's face, and that's the best we've got right now my friends.
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A huge week in politics unfolded as Bojo's consigiliere Dominic Cummings lost his job six months too late, and the butcher's dog himself was forced into isolation for disobeying his own Covid precautions again. We'll always have Barnard Castle!
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Amazingly, there have been mildly positive updates over the last week. The cartoon demagogue is to be evicted from the White House, and we finally have a promising vaccine to be dispensed by next Spring. With a track record of failure like our current government along with a no deal Brexit increasingly likely in January, could this just be a false dawn for a brighter future any time soon?
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Well well well. What most of us were saying should happen weeks ago has finally happened - another lockdown. This one is seemingly a little different, with schools, colleges and universities continuing as normal, despite studies showing them as the most prolific Covid transmission spots. Instead, the plan is to close anything in any way related to leisure or recreation and ban overnight stays with a lover. Late Night Large would like to go on the record to state that they cannot fathom how this could possibly foment unrest in the population.
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Not content with euthanising those in their frail dotage without consent, the government this week voted against a motion to provide free school meals over the Christmas period for kids in any of the estimated 4 million families living in poverty in the country. Over a Christmas period, lest we forget, where they may be in lockdown, with their parents most likely laid off...in the middle of a global pandemic. Aaron and Mike tear opponents of giving kids a guaranteed good meal a day a new arsehole in this combative edition.
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The Greater Manchester mayor Andy Burnham is kicking off, as the new 3 tier system introduced by the government threatens swathes of Northern England with wide-ranging lockdown measures but insufficient funds to allow the locals to stay alive. Who will win this battle of wills? Plus Aaron and Mike reiterate that Serco are solely responsible for the test and trace fiasco we are now in, along with the government that just renewed their contract for Test and Trace with no penalties for the failures that have meant nearly half the country will be going into effective lockdowns with insufficient money to live on leading up to Christmas. Sometimes it's hard to laugh at these goings on, but then you hear Mike talk and...
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You might have heard of someone important contracting Covid recently. Amusingly, the victim has spent the best part of the year calling the virus a hoax, claiming it was made in a Chinese lab to hurt America, saying it was no more dangerous than flu and implying that people who wore face masks were wusses. But just how profound are these roosting chickens going to prove to be? With the best taxpayer-funded medical treatment other people's money can buy, it certainly seems as if this notorious tax evader has once again scammed other people to get himself out of a hole of his own making. In other news that will surprise nobody, Matt Hancock has overseen the catastrophic loss of tens of thousands of Covid tracing details, meaning many infected people and their contacts will be entirely unaware of their risk. If we didn't know better, we might suspect that they're trying to deliberately engineer a second lockdown or something.
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Despite telling students it was perfectly safe to return (or go for the first time) to university digs, many campuses have inevitably seen Covid outbreaks, leading to Freshers being confined to their rooms under house arrest before they've even had a chance to meet new friends, drink themselves into a coma or transmit viruses of the sexually transmitted kind. As well as missing the one-time Freshers fun, these poor young 'uns are now being taught exclusively online, meaning they are paying through the nose for being imprisoned away from home to do an online course they could have got a lot cheaper had they not deliberately chosen the University experience. Is this just unfortunate timing, or is Captain Cynic right when he suggests that this was forecast to happen but the whole university funding model would collapse without tuition fees and rent from these succulent young cash cows? Mike and Aaron have been mainlining cynicism at the moment so you may be able to guess their answer.
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Well, well, well. Reality once again has the Prime Minister scrambling around chiding the public and looking for restrictions that don't involve a full lockdown, despite the fact we all know that the second lockdown is pretty inevitable. The real debate is how it will affect the Christmas celebrations, spoiler alert: Christmas is cancelled. So, if it's not clear, no more getting half-cut 'til closing time, no more eat out to help out and for God's sake do NOT return to your offices. Only potentially another 6 months of this, so buckle up and hunker down!
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The inevitable second wave, and resultant lockdown, is fast approaching, just in time for Christmas! Is there any hope of a festive miracle, or can we only hope for a yuletide spent with fines dropped through the letterbox from the Covid Marshall stormtroopers rather than Christmas cards from the jolly postman.
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Apparently the reproduction 'R' rate of coronavirus has shot up worryingly in the UK again, driven by young people according to Health Secretary Matt Hancock. But reopening schools with no plan is definitely nothing to do with it. Cities in the north are still under local lockdowns, the test and trace system is not fit for purpose, and workers are resolutely refusing to needlessly return to city centre offices. It couldn't be going better basically, and Mike and Aaron want you to know that they embrace the chaos like champs.
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Alright alright, you've had your fun, nothing to see here now so get back to the office pronto or you'll be on permanent unpaid furlough. It didn't take long for the government to stop pretending to genuinely care about the average worker's health and wellbeing, but is this ambiguous threat/order really in the nation's best interests anyway? I mean, what's forty thousand excess deaths and counting between friends? Mike and Aaron try to suppress their cynicism as we prepare our sacrifices to the crow gods.
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As if we didn't have enough to be miserable about, we've been sweating like Prince Andrew at a school disco (he does sweat, trust us). So why has the sun seemingly set up camp outside our bedroom windows? You won't like the answer. Neither did the kiddies like the Ofqual algorithm telling them they're stupid cos they're poor. Oh, and we're in the deepest recession since the Second World War, and you know that's all the way to the root. But we all need some light entertainment in these apocalyptic days, so here we are!
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It looks as if we're currently dealing with Schrodinger's virus right now in the UK - where it is both so contagious we must wear face masks in shops and keep our distance from strangers, whilst also going out as often as possible to the pub and shopping centres to spend money. Is this state of affairs really sustainable. Mike and Aaron don't know, but you can be damn sure they have some strong opinions either way.
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Well, the 'Air Corridor' scheme didn't take long to fail. But just how practical is a 14-day quarantine with no way of enforcing it? This question and a few others will be on the lips of our appropriately masked vigilantes as they debate the latest lockdown antics on this gloriously unhinged island we call the UK.
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Face coverings are now a legal requirement in UK shops, and Lockdown Large couldn't be more excited! Not that they expect it in any way to be enforceable, but the inevitable hilarious conflicts will be worth any personal inconvenience so let's all try to enjoy this pretty logical imposition while we can to avoid needlessly killing our fellow citizens. As part of the fun, Mike goes through a selection of masked figures to enlighten as us to which versions will be acceptable to the average retail manager so educate yourself to avoid disappointment!
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Did somebody summon the patron saints of bad ideas? By government decree, lockdown is almost over, and eager patrons are allowed to have their hair cut and get twatted in the alehouse again! Social distancing shall be enforced with a stern wag of the finger and the pandemic shall shrink in the face of such wanton revelry...are Mike and Aaron grateful at this turn of events, or more apprehensive at the inevitable prospects.
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A person is smart, people are stupid, the old aphorism goes. Then again, as the great George Carlin once noted: "Think of how stupid the average person is, then remember...half the population are dumber than that!" The two high priests of imbecility and disorder debate crowd psychology and irresponsibility in the wake of the scenes at beaches along the south coast, following the announcement that lockdown measures were significantly easing...to be put into effect about 10 days after the announcement. Who is most to blame for this breakdown in order and what can we deduce from this fiasco in the months to come, as a second wave seems to grow more likely by the day? Tune in to find out, as well as enjoying an epic rant from Mike!
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School's been out for a lot longer than just summer for our summertime simpletons simmering softly in the sunshine, pepped up on goofballs. Aestival concerns drive the agenda for this Lockdown Large - just what are we going to miss out on? Is Dionysian revelry around the corner, or will it simply forever be the lost summer of '20?
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There are global, national, local and personal habits that have been somewhat forced upon us by the coronavirus pandemic that aren't entirely unpleasant. Strangers staying out of your grille and filthy buggers being shamed into washing their hands regularly for example. Our randy roustabouts relish discussing which of these new norms they'd like to take forward into the new world with all the decorum you'd expect from these eternal scourges of the cognoscenti
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Social isolation can play havoc with a man's libido. We've heard it may be the same with women. How we are all coping now those of us outside of a stable cohabiting relationship are technically incels? What about those llucky few living the dream in each other's pockets all day? Love, much like life, (and Mike, according to the prosecution) will find a way.
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Lockdown is getting a little tiresome but it's still technically in place, not that you might know from media coverage. Luckily, your two horny hound dogs are here to take you through the finer points of the new liberties we have been granted by our incompetent overlords, as well as an outrageous new prohibition that should go against every fibre of Mike's being. You might be surprised.
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Our two mutinous monkeys delve into the most topical public outrage of the lockdown, as the Prime Minister's Special Advisor gets away with (potentially not entirely figurative) murder. Where does this leave respect for lockdown rules and the integrity of the government? Lockdown Large doesn't have to worry about such trifling concerns as integrity, so they plunge headlong into the imbroglio and sound off.
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Lockdown Large continues as our two housebound heroes debate the coming decisions on the future of professional football in England. Can they kick it safely? Mike confirms he's ready to stand in for any Premier League players who feel unable to take the risk, turning it from sport to comedy in the time it takes to cover an errant sneeze.
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Applying rigorous social distancing, our two Covid Corvids talk about how they're seeing the brave new world, and how we've got here.
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Handshakes and penguin suits all round as Mike combs his hair and watches his mouth for long enough to make a good impression for an important engagement with Her Majesty's Criminal Justice System. What are these strange customs and dress codes we demand of others and ourselves, and what function do they perform? Listen on for a lesson in etiquette and courtesy, soon disregarded and mocked by our disrespectful dilettantes.
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Telling tales or ensuring ethical excellence? Attention-seeking snitch or social justice warrior? These moral dichotomies, and many more, are shot into the air like confetti as Mike invites you to blow his whistle, baby. Meanwhile, Aaron pushes the silent alarm and prepares his statement for the authorities.
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Food and corpses tend to rot too quickly for convenience, while digital data is always at risk from corruption and theft. What we need are ways to protect these important things for longer...Wikipedia will tell us how! The preservation of all of the above, plus a few more are on the proverbial whiteboard tonight, though strangely not life itself. Make of that what you will.
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The weird and wonderful world of costume play is well worth examining Ingenuity and imagination combined with a photogenic figure makes for a cosplay sensation, and Mike is determined to knuckle down and study the subject intensely. Just don't ask to see his Spiderman under any circumstances.
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Dressed to the nines and feeling fine, the night soon goes downhill as Mike gets lairy with the men and cheeky with the women. Some illicit substances and lewd dancing later, the head bouncer makes Mike's enemy list, as he sleeps it off in a holding cell.
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Going together like a horse and carriage, the witless wonders proceed to catch the bouquet while gabbering about nuptials and bondage until they're thrown out of the church. Is the spirit of matrimony still sacrosanct, despite Mike's best efforts? There's only one way to find out.
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Prepare to burn your mattress and throw it at the screws, as our two jailbait-chasers are on 'lockdown' for inciting a prison riot. With all the time in the world to think about what they've done, Mike and Aaron use their captivity to discuss means, motive and opportunity for imprisonment, as well as some inappropriate gags about prison sex.
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Dante judged those guilty of treachery to be among the worst sinners, frozen in the deepest circle of the Inferno, and that's where Mike soon regrets taking a leak. Expect to hear rigorous and possibly infantile debate on the motives for betrayal, as well as a lowdown on history's most famous back-stabbers.
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Recognition comes in many forms, but Aaron and Mike only care about the kind that comes with a precious metal lustre in this trophy-laden edition of the usually sparsely-decorated topical radio fiasco. Hear about the many forms of peer approval and adulation as Mike's spiteful envy sees him kick the podium over at the Paralympics.
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Our two mutilated grotesques spend a little too long lingering on the more nauseating prospects of body augmentation, including anal tattooing, voluntary amputation, and everything in between. More than a few cautionary tales and wince-inducing verbal images abound, in this unforgettably embellished episode that would leave Dr Frankenstein himself in raptures!
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They see us trollin' - they hatin'. Or we are. Drunken hecklers; catcallers; bullies; all real-life versions of the online phenomena: the troll. As rude as he is gluttonous, you should never feed a troll after midnight. Or at all. Stalking online forums only to sow discord and abuse, it's no surprise to hear Mike having a modicum of sympathy for these love-starved weirdos. What constitutes trolling and what are its motivations? Listen on to find out. Just try not to be a sensitive little flower.
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They say you can roll excrement in glitter and it will still be excrement, but what if you launch a multimedia viral campaign on the benefits and social status glitter-encrusted filth will afford you? What if your favourite celebrity was snapped with one in their handbag, or it appeared as the object of idolatry in a bling-drenched music video? Perhaps coming a close third in the fabrication stakes only to the realms of politics and Public Relations, Aaron and Mike lift a lid on the extraordinarily expensive and illusory fantasy world of advertising.
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Our two creeping weeds query how Mary-Quite-Contrary's garden grows, while Mike typically beats around her bush, and leaves his green thumbprints all over the scene of the crime...
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'Grease'? 'Flashdance'? Well Mike has certainly been described as greasy and has been known to flash on the dancefloor. His representative also clarified that in Mike's opinion, the dirtier the dancing, the better. Slut-drop with the two twerking twerps as they examine the human body in sensual rhythmic motion.
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Feel that spark of ingenuity, that explosion of euphoric rapture in making something original! Only to discover someone else thought of it, and made it, a lot better before you. What this has to do with everyone's favourite groundbreaking online radio show is beyond me. Just listen and all will become clear. Maybe.
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Dropping their kecks, necking brake fluid and firing up the Bunsen burner, our two maladjusted miscreants play with dangerous and sordid implements purely to convey a profound artistic statement to the esoteric masses. Will you get it?
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F is for Fat, I is for Idle and T is for....never you mind. Our two out-of-shape oafs illicit suggestions on treating their body as a temple rather than a slagheap from special guest and bodybuilding enthusiast; Greig Ross. Besides the sensible advice, rest assured there will be plenty of roister-doistering from our resident slovenly slobs.
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Stock up with Ajax and prepare yourselves for a life of banal drudgery slaving away over a hot stove and retrieving the head of the bog brush, for the Sisyphean theme of domestic labour.
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Our pair of dense pillars take the piston again, as they investigate what happens when Mother Maths and Father Physics love each other so much that they perform carnal acts to create a functional art baby.
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Listen on as our two primates climb down from the trees to see what it feels like to shower and walk upright. While they're down, they restrain themselves from hurling excrement for long enough to discuss the motivations, ideals and patterns of behaviour observed in their close cousins: the human race.
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To celebrate this most momentous of centenaries, Mike and Aaron invite Chairman of the LNL fan club to the party, Mr Eric Smith. The three then proceed to lay waste to each other verbally and with proximity mines, in this memorable flagship edition of your favourite online radio fiasco!
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What does Late Night Large have in common with disease? It's always growing. Whether it gives you the shakes, makes your skin fall off or eject your internal organs through your lower colon, /mike and Aaron want to discuss it. Preferably at the dinner table.
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We all like to imagine our perverted voyeurism is somehow both sexy and vital to national security, so here our two creepers discuss the minefield of 'espiolarge'. Highlights include Mike terrifying children at the local swimming pool with his own brand of 'dumpster diving'...
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Whether wet, powdery or viscous, tonight's deliberation involves the saboteurs of the central nervous system and beyond, so strap on your skull and crossbones and ready the stomach pump!
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If we don't get some shelter....we're gonna fade away. All hail the sink estates, yurts, yaodongs and bus shelters for providing a place to rest our weary heads that offers at least basic protection from the elements.
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Whether it's unsightly, matted or much-missed, body hair is undoubtedly an integral component of the human. Whether you express your individuality through some rainbow mohawk/dreadlock hybrid, or have a veritable carpet of back hair, this show is for you.
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They may not have ever met their Prince Charming, lived under the sea or used sorcery to do the housework, but there is more than a little Pinocchio in Mike, and as for the story of his night with seven dwarves, that's best left untold. Our two cartoonish anti-heroes discuss the globe-straddling fairytale and merchandise behemoth that is Disney, its roots, legacy, and the dubious background of the man who made it all possible...
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Mike and Aaron check out everything but their privilege in this particularly flavoursome show on male dominance, so volatile indeed that the second half of the original recording vanished into the airwaves, never to be heard from again. Never fear though, half a Large is still stronger than the average full pint!
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Slap some bells, whistles and a witty bumper sticker on as Late Night Large steps out in style, before returning home to a cake covered in delectable icing shaped to resemble something.
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Relax and knock back a few roofies as you enjoy this show devoted to mankind's restorative of choice. We spend one third of our lives asleep, so make sure you maximise the other two thirds with your favourite topical radio show!
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The essence of dramaturgy is on the agenda tonight, as our two bears with sore heads get lairy and argumentative over trivial issues. Is conflict always a bad thing, or has it in fact moved mankind forward to a higher state of being? Just watch who you're looking at.
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What sorcery is this? Sit back, relax and marvel as Mike makes a rabbit appear from out of his trousers. Our two warlocks of whimsy wave their impotent wands around in honour of the art of illusion as they debate the meaning, morals and mysticism of show magic and the black arts.
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Tighten those screws, sharpen those blades and stoke those flames: it's time for torment. Like the sick, twisted abominations they are, our two executioner generals pick over the dead meat of suffering, and question why and how it has progressed to such a level. Weapons of choice, length of treatment and desired result are the aspects under the microscope.
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Knowledge is the only authentic form of power according to some (including at least one half of our duo), but how is it best imparted? Is it a commodity to flog, or a treasure to bestow? Listen on for wisdom, my children.
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If you don't know your go-karting from your geo-caching, or your orienteering from your amethyst earring, then this is the show for you! Our two plucky pioneers wander lost in the desert for longer than the Hebrews as they seek to find their bearings, which you can bet it is mightily amusing.
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If all the people in the world camped out in your back garden, would you write and tell the King, or would you grab a tent and join them? Lay the table, boil the kettle and fling open the door for this genial slice of Large which surprisingly has nothing to do with accident and emergency.
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Anybody who's spent any period of time around Mike will doubtless require some form of therapy. The question is will they require their mind, body or soul rehabilitated? The various forms of professional healing are discussed to death in this thrilling episode.
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Listen on as our crafty cretins fail miserably to keep their hands to themselves, and explain how, in the far distant past, man rather than machine used to make things, and how a few hardy rustic folk still do.
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Our two idle wretches talk idols and retch in this plinth-mounted debate. Is any form of worship healthy or mutually beneficial? When does admiration beget infatuation beget obsession? All these questions and more will seek to be answered by our two anti-heroes with an unhealthy attraction to themselves.
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Why help others when you can't get your own life right? Do you really want other people to point out what you're doing wrong? And pay them for the pleasure? That might not seem enticing, but watching free video demonstrations on youtube can indeed prevent you mugging yourself off, so swings and roundabouts.
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If it's really better to burn out than fade away, then we should all aspire to be fads. Our two legends in their own lunchtime debate what constitutes a fad, how best to ignore them, and crazes that we actually reminisce fondly over. Just stick some lurid colours, infantile music and a cute anthropomorphised animal on us.
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Unlock the mysterious nightmare box and open the gates of Hell, as we delve into the labyrinth of the mind, and ponder over why man seeks to find words in jumbles of letters, or arrange numbers in a preordained sequence, never mind move little pieces of wood around a chequered board for hours.
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From a primal scream to a menacing whisper as you brandish the machete, there are many methods of conveying thoughts and ideas to our fellow humans. The motives are limitless and the means just as much. Are we trying to sell our recipient a product, or an idea? Are we attempting to kill them with kindness, or bullets? Or, as Mike so eloquently puts it: 'Am I eating it, fighting it or f***ing it?'
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Everyone wishes for subordinate underlings, but it's not so easy to house-train humans and convince them to follow you on a lead. Tonight's discussion centres on the cute, the smelly and the downright vicious animals that we share our homes and businesses with. Be prepared for skinny pigs, Satanic goats and pugs in little tuxedos dragging around miniature trailers with drinks and finger food on them.
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Live the dream by not washing for three days and sharing your toilet with thousands of people, as Mike and Aaron inhale and ingest everything they come across to frolic mindlessly in a field. What is it about festivals that brings diverse people together? Music? Camping? Beer? Free love? Listen on to find out.
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Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a f**king big television, Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players, and electrical tin can openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol and dental insurance. Choose fixed-interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisure wear and matching luggage. Choose a three piece suit on hire purchase in a range of fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the f**k you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pissing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, f**ked-up brats you have spawned to replace yourself. Choose your future. Choose Large! From the mundane to the momentous, the theme of the hour is choice, and all its glorious ramifications!
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There will be no accusations, just friendly crustaceans. Setting sail on the storm-tossed seven seas in a pea-green boat, our resident owl and pussycat navigate around effulgence and floating shards of consumer waste as they deliberate the topography and beasties residing beneath the surface of the seventy-something percent of our planet we can't possibly live on.
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Slap on some teak tan and bleach those pearly whites, it's time to see what you could have won! Up there with finest editions, this Late Night Large delves into the nostalgic and often hilariously cringey UK gameshow archives. Cheesy hosts; iconic catchphrases; dim contestants; fabulous prizes; they're all here! Sidestep to your left, Simon.
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That most rapturous of seasons shines its light on the dark recesses of Large in this whimsical instalment of the amateur radio equivalent of the never-ending summer holiday! Expect talk of scandalous bikinis, offensive sunburn and washout holidays, while Mike explains why he likes his meat black and crunchy on the outside, but pink and gristly on the inside.
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Once more into the breach, dear boy. The night the rest of the week pays penance to is the centrepiece here. Myth, intrigue and adventure...never has a night been so eulogised over. Like the invention of the teenager, Saturday night is a product of the modern West, and you'd best get yours before it's too late!
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Enjoy a forearm smash as our two greasy groomers refuse to play nice online. This discussion centres on the origins of idea exchanges, from Ancient Rome to chatrooms which might be more at home on the Tor network. Democratic free market exchange of ideas, or bubbling cesspit of cretinous cyber-bullies? You decide.
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Does any more need to be said? Cover your children's ears as Mike steers the car drunkenly towards the red light district for this show that was supposed to be about more than carnal indulgence.
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Hilariously ill-researched, our two slack-jawed Luddites stumble to describe that which they do not understand, not for the first time. For the record, this show was recorded prior to their current knowledge of such cultural icons as the 'Philosoraptor', 'First World Problems', 'Sudden Clarity Clarence', 'Old Economy Steve' and the always magnificent American 'Democracy' Eagle.
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Come and indulge your juvenile fantasies, as our two garbage pail kids discuss the items that are more valuable than gold to a pre-teen! In one of the most captivating editions of this always infantile show, marvel at the sense of wonder and lost innocence in their voices, as Mike and Aaron lament the lost toys, and the sacks of coal they received every Christmas.
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While we are ruled by a government ruled by a corporate elite, hierarchical structures will dominate our lives. Tonight, the discussion centres on as many of these structures as possible: political power, social power, physical power, sexual power, fiscal power, levitation, telekinesis, and the power...to move you.
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Mike and Aaron play the elephants hiding behind the proverbial lamp post, as they attempt to go incognito in the show with more than meets the eye. More fun than walking into a bank wearing nothing but a ski mask.
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Join us for take-off in one of the vintage episodes! Man's fondest spiritual quest is scavenged upon from on high, as our two flappers fly too close to the sun and fall to earth with a thump. There are also myriad amusing diversions involving hummingbirds, castle walls and, of course, the clown of the sea. Plus Mike suggests Pingu gets eaten by everything...although he might have got confused.
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Money lending is often the devil's work, and our two part-time advocates debate its moral and material consequences in this rapacious episode of the show without a soul. Leaving aside the fact that most money is simply digital numbers created with no intrinsic value, is it really morally just that a rich man can harvest an income from simply lending the less fortunate among us that which he needs to survive? Or is the world simply full of ignorant cretins with no fiscal discipline but plenty of impulse?
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Our resident cave dwellers crawl from the catacombs to chew the cud on living spaces in all of their forms. From formicaries to clifftops, these two would literally defecate anywhere. But there's more! How did man really spread across the globe, bestriding inhospitable domains beneath his conquering feet? Is it advisable to go streaking in the Arctic Circle, to fall asleep in a bog, or swim in a volcano? The answers to these questions and more will not be found here!
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Better invest in some razor wire and patrolled watchtowers, as our two safety salamanders lay down your defences in the name of miseducation. If your idea of a safe night involves Mike enlightening you as to why his security career has never really got off the ground, and why he enjoys drinking his own urine, then this is the show for you!
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Who would have thought that such a trivial topic could provoke such furious arguments? You should know by now that nothing in Late Night Large world is trivial. Our two couch potatoes split proverbial hairs over tables and chairs, while hurling bedknobs and broomsticks at the kitchen sink, in this highly entertaining edition of the show that always strives to be part of your furniture.
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A particularly insightful edition asks the question: can one really hope to derive enjoyment from employment? Among the revelations gleaned from Jimmy Wales are the changing face of global employment over recent years, the endless power struggle between employer and employee, and whether our current system actually works for the majority. Expect disagreements and strong language!
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The show that ploughs many a lone furrow focuses on the wonders of crop cultivation. Mike extols the virtues of growing dirty, confuses irrigation for the colonic kind and sows all the wrong kinds of seed, while Aaron sits back and reaps the harvest.
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The two corpulent crazies talk who gobbles, skewers and spit-roasts what according to the law of the jungle. Man-eating dolphins, class war and evolutionary cannibalism all rear their tasty heads downwind from the herd as arrows whizz by. Enjoy all manner of predation and trophic cascades on this fabulous edition of the show that's always difficult to digest.
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We all want our voices to be heard. Some more than others. Aaron and Mike don't wait for an invitation, and merely yell into your ear. Tonight they sink into the murky bog of claiming access to decision makers and convincing them to work in your favour, why it can be pure in motive, and how it can evolve into legalised bribery.
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Attempting to toss their world-weary cynicism aside, our two reluctant philanthropists steal a thousand beggars' change and give it to the rich, as they debate the concept of charity. Why do we perform virtuous deeds when there appears to be little in it for us? Does sacrifice cleanse the soul? Why do we resent paying tax but not contributing to the unfortunate? Could breaking up a fight be deemed charity?
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Our two infantile idiots violate their parole and fake a CRB as they discuss the concept of siring children. What reasons could one have to add to the population, what age is sensible to start a family, and how do you react when your little progenies burn the house down when you're away?
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When is a hoax just a prank? Find out the answer to this and many other questions in this edition of the show presented by everyone's favourite prank-monkeys. Bliss and Large get all Fortean Times on your ass, as the most notorious hoaxes of our times are on the agenda, including the Roswell landing and the Loch Ness Monster! The two troublemakers also ask the question many others would suffer a fatwah for...is organised religion the world's biggest hoax?
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Human beings are remarkable in their need to assign meaning to inanimate objects, and this show delves into that sordid fascination. Aaron endeavours to steer the stupefying stimulation intrigue towards less carnal aspects, questioning whether hoarding or hobbies can be described as fetishes, and why different people have such diverse objects that appeal to some mysterious subconscious craving, while Mike only has his eyes on the bedroom.
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Try and ignore the deafening sirens and blinding red lights as you calmly make your way out of the building underneath the stampede of Large fans. Learn of the horrific origins of fire exits, how to get a cat out of a tree using only a crossbow, and how Mike got that scar on his arse.
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Take a bit of time off from rooting through the rubbish and sharing needles to hear the putrid pair's thoughts on cleanliness, and how close they are to godliness. Hear them touch upon the unrelenting pestilence of the Dark Ages! Imagine a world where people scoff at the notion of microscopic horrors trying to climb into your body and make you sick! Get right between the toes and behind the ears in this classic episode.
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Sit back, relax and enjoy some of the punch, as our two charismatic charlatans urge you to join the away team and service their every whim in the name of salvation! Just what is it that compels people of otherwise sound mind to cast off their clothes, dignity and lives for the sake of someone you'd normally throw eggs at on speakers' corner? Listen on to find out!
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Sit back and stroke your octopussy menacingly as our two rogue agents revel in the movies depicting most men's fantasy character. They invite you to live and let die as they implore that the world is not (large) enough for them. Besides reliving all of the Bond films through the ages, there is enough lad humour to keep any roving spy on an all-time high. After all, nobody does it better.
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Hold on to your shirts as our brace of serial losers play fast and loose with loaded dice. It's not just about losing everything in games of chance though, as Aaron and Mike delve into the wider perspective of risk: is asking somebody out or quitting your job technically gambling? If so, perhaps even the devoutly sensible could stand to be a little more foolhardy, in pursuit of those true riches of fulfilment.
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Art imitating life imitating art imitating life imitating...something. Join our two musclebound grotesques as they discuss the bane of most of our entertainment-addled lives. Of course, Big Brother was not watching us, we were watching it...and getting very bored and murderous in the process. But there's also the small matter of watching police and ambulance crews deal with hurt and angry, angry people, as well as watching the bedraggled and disreputable strive to become members of the cultured Establishment norm. What's not to like?
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To celebrate a full year of broadcasting nonsense, Bliss and Large present a double helping (Mike's favourite) of the show that made them legends in their own lunchtime. Rather than a particular theme, they waste the time taking questions from the facebook page, and answering some universal questions they dug up from a search engine, like the true plagiarist pioneers that they are. Expect gags so bad they should come with a trombone accompaniment.
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Nature is pretty awesome, as the dopey duo discover on surveying the breadth of their dominion from atop a mighty hill. Among the traumatic topics on the agenda are burying excrement and making a treasure map for your kids to track it down, going commando among friends, and learning what a compass is for.
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Masks must be worn in this area. Our two whimpering underdogs get what's coming to them as they discuss the origins, progression and application of health and safety legislation. Is it an essential tool for worker protection, or an avenue for big compensation payouts? The two make much mirth at the misfortune of others, before coming to the conclusion that it's better for kids to be seriously injured than be denied a substandard bouncy castle.
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Our two plump gooses become prize stool-pigeons under the merest hint of pressure, as they get weak on crime and the causes of crime. Tonight we learn how prefixing or bookending 'murder' to everything is perhaps how American crime dramas gained their massive popularity, whether the conditions of society create a culture of crime, and bear witness to Mike's flawed defence of consumer culture through a bad car. Hang the jury! It'd be a felony to miss it.
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Strap on the crash helmet, knee pads and adult nappy, as our two adrenaline junkies get more anecdotal than usual and delve into the palpitating prospect of extreme sports. Wrap yourself in tinfoil and climb onto the roof in a thunderstorm to listen on as a full variety of edgy pursuits are debated, while new classifications for extreme sports such as train baiting and drug dealing are pleaded for as Mike 'completes the circle'.
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Stand and deliver! Mike asks for your money or your wife, as our two hard-shoulder playboys tailgate, kerb crawl and aquaplane all over the place in an effort to understand what the Romans ever did for us. Among the subjects steamrollered into submission are the different categories and purposes of roads, what road tax is supposed to be for, and the dreaded pirates of the turnpike! A classic to enjoy stuck in an M25 logjam.
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It's cudgels at dawn as our two weary warriors fight to decide who is rapier. Holding firearms as big as their entire arms, Mike and Aaron conspire to foist their remarkable weaponry on an unsuspecting public, to general hilarity and some repulsion. Hear an alternative history of conflict, wonder how many legitimate baseball players there are in the UK, all the while chuckling at the unmentioned 'ultimate prank' of setting landmines at a friend's front and back door, before firing teargas through their windows.
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Our two titillating teamsters get out of their civvies and root deep in distinguished workwear and costume for this glorious show. Mike tentatively talks of his displeasure at Her Majesty's Pleasure and the Emergency room, Aaron promotes his upcoming business venture, and the both of them tiptoe around the notion of school uniforms.
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Which topic is number one for bland pleasantries? Hilarious sunburn, panic-buying, and taking flares and huskies to the shop in the snow are among the anecdotes, while pelicans on the beach laugh at old people being blown over.
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Pichforks at the ready, as our messy moral entrepreneurs stir up trouble in their own inimitable way, turning the town against you and your heretical kin. You only have yourselves to blame. Shouldn't have spoke out of turn. Shouldn't have worn those awful shoes. Should have joined the winning team.
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Our two Professors of puerile whip out their bunsen burners and toast marshmallows, as they shelter from the elements. If you've ever wondered which representatives of the periodic table only exist for a fraction of a second, why you could potentially fight on the surface of the sun dressed in a full Tungsten body suit, and why a good marriage is like a noble gas, tune in!
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Get elegantly wasted with our two slag-heaps, as they pick through the finer points of your rubbish and effluence. Regrets, cowardice and midlife crises also fall under this putrid umbrella. Marvel at anecdotes about long lost plastic shoe horns procured from Christmas crackers, our illogical emotional attachments to inanimate junk, and destroying the toilet bowl.
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Illicit substances are under the spotlight in this episode. Compulsion, curiosity and cocaine-coated Frosties are on the agenda, as our two anal apothecaries tread carefully over broken needles and jerry cans. Their bulging pupils betray them in the end though, as they succumb to the insatiable lure of Donkey Dust.
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Hobbies and leisure pursuits are up for debate in this fun-packed edition of everyone's favourite amateur radio show! The most mouth-watering escapades known to man are discussed, including code-cracking, extreme napping, and insect holocausts. Make these two clowns your favourite pastime.
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Brothers are doing it for themselves! A Late Night classic ensues, with our two nutty numbskulls go off with their nail guns half-cocked, as the house falls down around them. Despite the rather familial theme, the mood soon turns malevolent, as drunk hammering, hilarious accidents and murder weapons blacken the previously convivial tone.
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A cavalcade of comic cuts from previous Late Night Larges is knitted together for your delectation. Ideal for a Large novice, to lead you into the dark and sleazy alleys to come...
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Our two gene genies get down with Charles Dazza as they reluctantly denounce the myth that Mike created the Heavens and the Earth with his potent seed. Overpopulation and eugenics are touched upon as they comment on Nature's wondrous spirit of creativity with: "Is that it?"
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Large save the Queen! Our two rowdy rebels get down with the Establishment for a while, genuflecting to their hereditary superiors as they wave their crown jewels in your face. More awkward jokes than Prince Philip's wildest dreams!
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In honour of the 20th anniversary of its inception, Aaron 'Ogie' Bliss plays a hospital ball to Mike 'Headless Chicken' Large as they debate just what it is that makes the Premier League such riveting viewing. The best kits, wind-up merchants and longest criminal records form the more unorthodox topics in this veritable orgy of top flight romanticism, so strap on your shinpads (and ear plugs).
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One of the classics ensues here, when our two stargazing black holes get stuck into the solar system and the wonders contained herein. Expect a few innuendoes about heavenly bodies, Total Recall references, and how Uranus is particularly windy and full of methane. No room for Pluto though, much to Mike's chagrin.
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In a shameless display of self-congratulation, the quarter-century is celebrated with a discussion on great duos of our times. Whether romantic or comic, fighting crime or just smoking weed, chemistry is defined as that which binds the tandems of accomplishment. Or money.
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One of the stone-cold classics, with boozers being the topic for discussion! Blotto Bliss and Lairy Large stagger from grog-house to grog-house singing about brawling and suchlike. Every aspect of the modern pub is chewed over, from decor to clientele to snacks. And, of course, the finest pub names. They're British institutions after all, much like our two mirth-makers.
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The most toxic issue of our, or any, time in history is the topic for tonight's head banging. How many different ways are we taxed? Is adequate wealth redistribution possible? Or necessary? Are all classes contributing fairly according to their means? Our burdensome bounty hunters bash heads about the changing face of taxation since the 80s, and debate which taxes are logical and which are unjust and self-defeating. Expect suggestions for superior progressive taxation and plenty of anti-Establishment polemic!
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Our two meat-heads get the meat sweats as they drool over the myriad varieties of dead creature flesh. Expect to hear Mike valiantly defend his masculinity through the medium of carnivorous consumption, get all 'Animal Farm' as the pair ask if some animals are more equal than others, and discuss the ethics of cannibalism: the sweetest taboo.
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Don't worry, there are no statistics or tree hugging. It's simply a tango on the ice caps, as our two wasteful wastrels suggest we all sacrifice a little for the common good. Will we suffer 100 degree winters next century? Will the economy have to be rebalanced when half of London is underwater? Hear the hypothetical answers to these questions and more!
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Another thought-provoking edition, as our nihilistic narcissists pretend to be people with consciences. Mike raises the spectre of coitus cum minoris, Aaron narrates a sordid tale of cannibalism on the High Seas, while they both deliberate the heavy load of the drug mule.
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One of the most serious and insightful shows thus far, our two champions of liberty invite you to cast off your shackles, take off your clothes and howl at the moon. Among the highlights are discussions of the concepts of positive and negative liberties, personal autonomy and why Mike believes some old people are just arseholes.
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What shall we do with these drunken sailors? Blissbeard and First Mate Large get through a keg of rum as they guide us through the intricate history of piracy, both of the high seas and...the other kind. Sit back and enjoy a brief revisiting of some of the most iconic plunderers, how a pirate ship was more democratic than the average UK workplace, just how a sweaty guy with a camcorder in the cinema never gets caught, and the emergence of the dreaded Black Hood.
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You won't believe your ears....eyes, tongue, nose or fingers, as the five, or some say, six senses are pontificated over by our senseless simpletons. Mike attempts to rank the senses in order of personal value, and gets worked up over the notion that being impervious to pain could be a good thing.
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Our two lamentable lotharios give us the 9 1 1 on the most notorious of four letter words. Among the talking points are the commercialisation of Valentines' Day, the lost art of romance encapsulated by the Milk Tray Man's middle-age spread, and why self-immolation is the only credible show of devotion to that special someone.
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Our two wandering prophets of anarchy discuss the wonders of seeing the world through not a television screen, but your own eyes. If happiness is a transient state, then why do we continue to stand still geographically? Is it cowardice, lack of ambition or simply a longing for the comforts of home which see us plant our roots and rarely move? Park your hovercraft for a moment and enjoy, while we all eagerly await time travel to become affordable for the masses.
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An enlightening edition which sees our two loony Luddites debate which modern conveniences have most improved our collective lives, and whether is it a good thing that it's easier to blow up things than ever before. From the godsend of indoor plumbing, we move to the online DIY porn and arms industry, before quickly retreating into an armoured bomb shelter.
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What's a little voodoo curse between friends? Our two shrunken heads combat crawl under a row of ladders, and proceed to deride those who believe that supernatural forces can affect events, while being very careful not to smash mirrors. Mike may also reveal what he likes to throw horseshoes on to.
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Wolf down the breakfast of champions, as Bliss and Large reminisce over childhood breakfast times, morning telly, hangover cures and American nutritional debacles. Would you like chocolate sauce or double cream with your sugar-dusted pancakes coated with syrup and marshmallows?
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The mighty internet leviathans are ripe for mulling and mockery from our two mischievous malcontents, as they discuss which social network is truly number one. Expect to also hear the pair bite the hand that feeds them, as they slate the site their page is promoted on, as well as mention of cultural phenomena spewing forth from these institutions, including trolling, apps and the dreaded frape!
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Our fresh-faced fillets of fun deliberate over the turning of the calendar page, including the archetypes of New Year partiers, the Village people and our impending doom following the conclusion of the Mayan calendar.
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Our two prize gooses chew the fat of the most wonderful time of the year, taking in a Banbury Christmas Carol, cheese footballs, letting strangers dressed as Santa into your house, and being ejected by security from a department store for having the temerity to be barged into a shelf by some aggressive Christmas shoppers.
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The gruesome twosome get interactive with their audience for the first (and possibly last) time, as they theme the show based on a poll from fans of the Facebook page. Sit with jaw agape as two incongruous inanimate objects/people/characters are pitted against one another in an imaginary battle royale, where nobody really wins.
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Our two deluded weeds let off some steam and spend the show eroticising the Austrian man mountain formerly known as Hercules in New York. Marvel in their poor Shwarzeneggerisms as they insist it's not a tumour and they're not perverts, while demanding you hand over your clothes, boots and motorcycle. Oh and don't worry, they'll be back. GET TO THE CHOPPER!!
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Our two harbingers of doom debate the manner of our ultimate demise. Will it be Comet? Or Cupid? Perhaps zombies, aliens or killer robots will stalk the killing fields, amid a gigantic wave of molten metal smothering us all. Messrs Bliss and Large also debate slaughter (and subsequent barbecue) of the innocents as the potential meaning of life, which action hero could potentially prove to be our saviour, and why Mike would like to use his final moments to punch people right in the face.
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MC McCheese and DJ Hamburglar guide us through the amusing and seductive world of corporate icons. Listen on to learn, amongst other things: the suspected whereabouts of the Frosties kid; who would win in a fight between Colonel Sanders, Ronald McDonald and the Burger King; why Mister Soft needs to kick his Ketamine habit; and how Toilet Duck can get the party started.
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Seven deadly sins: seven ways to win! Join our reprehensible reprobates as they wallow in the foetid trough of vice without a care in the world; shamelessly taking Dante's inferno to hitherto unplumbed depths. Wrath, Envy, Pride, Lust, Greed, Gluttony and Sloth: they're all represented by our two totems of transgression.
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Raise a titter, or perhaps a guffaw, as the duo debate the semantics and social etiquette of laughter, question whether one who can amuse is the best kind of polyglot, and Mike tells the worst joke in history.
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Where our heroes learn the true spirit of Samhain, and Mike discusses why he'd like to exhume Michael Jackson's corpse and doesn't believe in sharing sweets with children. Set your spines to 'shiver'.
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Two awkward virgin broadcasters take to the air armed with just a mic and a Klobb, with the radar off. Hear them grow in stature (in more ways than one) as they rise from their graves and yell 'HADOUKEN!' to the world!
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With thanks to www.freesfx.co.uk for the Late Night Large sound effects.
